So I answered their questions.
They said it should take an hour. HAH.
1 – Write the first sentence of a novel, short story, or book of the weird yet to be written.
“And so it begins…”
2 – Without looking at your watch: what time is it?
3 – Look at your watch. What time is it?
4 – How do you explain this — or these — discrepancy(ies) in time?
I’m not a good judge of measurable things – time, age, distance, temperature. I generalize, and don’t aim for accuracy. I was in the ballpark. That’s good enough.
5 – Do you believe in meteorological predictions?
Only when they come true.
6 – Do you believe in astrological predictions?
Only when they tell me what I want to hear.
7 – Do you gaze at the sky and stars by night?
Hell, yeah. Doesn’t everybody?
8 – What do you think of the sky and stars by night?
They make me feel.
9 – What were you looking at before starting this questionnaire?
The novel I am currently writing which is not cooperating with me. After that, Twitter, where I found a link to this questionnaire. Then it became a question of AHA! PROCRASTINATION!
10 – What do cathedrals, churches, mosques, shrines, synagogues, and other religious monuments inspire in you?
It depends. Some of them are wonderful. Some of them – the modern protestant type of church, for instance, with a scrubbed table for an altar and smelling of carbolic soap instead of candles or incense – make me wonder what the people who come here hope to find. We have such tables in our own home. If that’s what it takes to worship God, stay home and do it in private. Faith is a mystery. Too much carbolic soap strips that away and all you have left is foolishness.
11 – What would you have “seen” had you been blind?
The world, in sharper focus.
12 – What would you want to see if you were blind?
The things I could have never seen with physical sight. The sound of colour. The texture of song.
13 – Are you afraid?
14 – What of?
Everything. But I soldier on anyway.
15 – What is the last weird film you’ve seen?
Don’t remember the name. It was too weird.
16 – Whom are you afraid of?
Politicians, fundamentalists, and people who profess to know “what’s best for me”.
17 – Have you ever been lost?
18 – Do you believe in ghosts?
19 – What is a ghost?
A presence that is not – or no longer – corporeal or of this world.
20 – At this very moment, what sound(s) can you hear, apart from the computer?
The quiet hum of my room heater.
21 – What is the most terrifying sound you’ve ever heard – for example, “the night was like the cry of a wolf”?
The quiet rumble that emanates from a crowd of individual people who are on the cusp of turning into an undifferentiated and single minded mob intent only on harm.
22 – Have you done something weird today or in the last few days?
Yes. (oh, you wanted details?)
23 – Have you ever been to confession?
24 – You’re at confession, so confess the unspeakable.
I just said I’ve never been, nor would I go. The unspeakable is between me and God, not between me and anyone who claims to be that God’s representative here on Earth.
25 –Without cheating: what is a “cabinet of curiosities”?
26 –Do you believe in redemption?
27 – Have you dreamed tonight?
Oh, hell, yeah.
28 – Do you remember your dreams?
29 – What was your last dream?
My subconscious rewriting completely (and improving, dammit) the last scene I wrote for my novel in progress, just before I went to bed last night.
30 – What does fog make you think of?
31 – Do you believe in animals that don’t exist?
Well, yes, but believing in them MAKES them exist, if only in my faith system. How existential do you want to get, here?
32 – What do you see on the walls of the room where you are?
33 – If you became a magician, what would be the first thing you’d do?
Pull a rabbit out of a hat. After that, if I am a REAL magician, do something about Peace on Earth.
34 – What is a madman?
Someone who believes completely in animals that don’t exist…?
35 – Are you mad?
Some people would tell you so.
36 – Do you believe in the existence of secret societies?
Yes, of course. I belong to at least one. (If you think I am kidding, I might be. Or I might not.)
37 – What was the last weird book you read?
“Embassytown”, by China Mieville
38 – Would you like to live in a castle?
I did, once. I went to school in one. It was fun. I’d like to do it again, yeah.
39 – Have you seen something weird today?
No but the day is young.
40 – What is the weirdest film you’ve ever seen?
2001:Space Odyssey (particularly the second half)
41 – Would you like to live in an abandoned train station?
Um, no. I like SOME comfort.
42 – Can you see the future?
Why do you think I said I was afraid…?
43 – Have you considered living abroad?
I’ve already lived “Abroad” – from whichever perspective you choose to look at that from. Next question?
44 – Where?
45 – Why?
Because the world is big and beautiful and fascinating.
46 – What is the weirdest film you’ve ever owned?
What is this fascination you have with weird movies?!?
47 – Would you liked to have lived in a vicarage?
Call me Jane Austen.
48 – What is the weirdest book you’ve ever read?
House of Leaves.
49 – Which do you like better, globes or hourglasses?
50 – Which do you like better, antique magnifying glasses or bladed weapons?
51 – What, in all likelihood, lies in the depths of Loch Ness?
52 – Do you like taxidermied animals?
No. They give me the heebie jeebies.
53 – Do you like walking in the rain?
Not really. I know it’s supposed to be romantic, but all I can really see is that I’m getting WET. And it’s squishy and squelchy and unpleasant. And I get colds easily.
54 – What goes on in tunnels?
55 – What do you look at when you look away from this questionnaire?
56 – What does this famous line inspire in you: “And when he had crossed the bridge, the phantoms came to meet him.”?
Envy, actually. I want to meet some phantoms.
57 – Without cheating: where is that famous line from?
Actually, no idea.
58 – Do you like walking in graveyards or the woods by night?
Woods, yeah. Graveyards, not so much.
58 – Write the last line of a novel, short story, or book of the weird yet to be written.
“And so it begins.”
59 – Without looking at your watch: what time is it?
1: 20 PM
60 – Look at your watch. What time is it?
1:25 PM (actually I’m impressed. Not bad.)
If you want to try your hand, go right ahead. Just remember that they have a thing for weird movies.