the TO line is blank, which kind if implies... a lot of unpleasant things. Then it gets better (my comments in CAPS, interspersed)
From: Jeff Pilcher <email@example.com> (OH DEAR LORD... SO TO SPEAK. REMEMBER THAT EMAIL ADDY)
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 2008 13:21:56 +0100
Chiesa Cattolica Italiana (http://www.chiesacattolica.it/), that is the Catholic Church Italy, (THANKS FOR TRANSLATING, BUB) would like to inform you that you have been picked by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients for a cash Grant/Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development (BLINK). The Church is one of the biggest churches built for God in Italy (BLINK BLINK BLINK). In the year 1901, they started offering collection for the Sole objective of human growth, educational and Community development (NEWS TO ME...). In collaboration with the ECOWAS, UNO, and the EU (WATCH IT, YOUR ACRONYMS ARE SHOWING), We are giving out an annual donation of US$650,000.00 each to 100 lucky recipients each year, undermining your religion.(OH, THAT LAST SENTENCE. OH, OH DEAR. THAT ALONE ALMOST MAKES ME BELIEVE THAT ONE CHURCH WOULD BE INVOLVED AGAINST ANOTHER. BUT IS IT WORTH ALL THAT MONEY TO THE CHIESA CATTOLICA ITALIANA TO UNDERMINE A SOUTHERN BAPTIST SOMEWHERE...? DOES THE *POPE* KNOW ABOUT THIS?)
These specific Donations/Grants will be awarded to 100 lucky international recipients worldwide; in different categories for their personal business development. You can be of any religion to receive this grant (...SO LONG AS YOU AGREE THAT IT IS TO BE UNDERMINED...). The objective is to make a notable change in the standard of living of people all around the Universe (ALL ACROSS THE *UNIVERSE*?? A TAD AMBITIOUS, WHAT? ET PHONE HOOOOOOOOME...)(From America to Europe, Asia to Africa and all around [SNRCH] AND ALL AROUND INDEED.). Kindly note that you will only be chosen to receive the donation once, which means that subsequent yearly donation will not get to you (AWWWWW>). Take time and thought in spending the donation wisely on something that will last you a long time (SO LONG AS UNDERMINING YOUR RELIGION IS INVOLVED. HOT BLONDES AND COOL CARS ARE *RIGHT* OUT, BUBBA, WHAT WERE YOU *THINKING*?).
Based on the random selection exercise of internet websites (THAT IS JUST... WRONG) and millions of supermarket cash invoices worldwide (BLINK... WHAT?!?!?!?), you were selected among the lucky recipients to receive the award sum of US$650,000.00 as charity donations/aid from the Catholic Church Italy, ECOWAS, EU and the UNO in accordance with the enabling act of Parliament (WHOSE PARLIAMENT?). (Note that all beneficiaries email addresses were selected randomly from over 100,000Internet websites or a shop’s cash invoice around your area (MY EMAIL ADDRESS APPEARS ON RANDOM SHOP CASH INVOICES, SURE, WHATEVER YOU SAY...)in which you might have purchased something from)(OY. *GRAMMAR* AS SOMEBODY ONCE WISELY SAID, YOU'LL GET FURTHER WITH THE LORD IF YOU LEARN NOT TO OFFEND HIS EARS>). You are required to contact the Church Executive Secretary below, for qualification documentation (WHAT QUALIFICATION DOCUMENTATION? YOU JUST TOLD ME I WAS RANDOMLY SELECTED... WAITAMINIT... DO I ACTUALLY HAVE TO PRODUCE COPIES OD THOSE SHOP CASH INCOICES?) and processing of your claims. After contacting the secretary, you will be given your donation pin number, which you will use in collecting the funds. Please endeavour to quote your Qualification numbers +(N-2.2.2,188.8.131.52, E-9.1 0.5.6) in all discussions (LONG WORDS. GOOOOOD. MAKES YOU SOUND INTELLIGENT..
Exec Sec Rev sister Abrielle Gallo
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org (AND ANOTHER WONDERFUL EMAIL. WHAT, THE CHURCH USES GMAIL? THE CHEAP BASTARDS. IF THEY CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY VATICAN.COM WHERE ARE ALL THESE CHARITABLE MILLIONS COMING FROM, THEN?)
Please note that the EU, ECOWAS, UNO, strictly administers these donations/Grants. You are by all means hereby advised to keep this whole information confidential until you have been able to collect your donation. (OOOOOPS....)
On behalf of God, The Church, ECOWAS, UNO and the EU, (ON BEHALF OF *GOD*? AND THE EU? LIKE, WOW) accept our warmest congratulations.
May God bless you with this donation?
Rev. Macc Adolfo (MACC? WHUT?)
Oh well. There go my hundreds of thousands.
But really, people. Thanks for the morning laugh.