anghara (anghara) wrote,

Sleeping in light

I gave my husband - I gave *us*, really - the gift of the entire boxed set of the 5 seasons of Babylon 5 over the last few Christmases. We procrastinated for quite a while before we started watching it - we'd wait until ALL five seasons were available, we'd wait until we had time to do it without interruptions by trips and such, we'd wait for this, we'd wait for that... the truth is, we were waiting because we were hoarding it, a treasure we didn't want to open yet, because knowing it was there meant so much, by itself, of itself.

"Babylon 5" is extraordinary. It inspired me; made me giggle, it made me think, and just now...

Just now, after procrastinating for a very long time and then beginning from the beginning, we watched the end. That final luminous episode called "Sleeping in light", which I've watched twice now, both times in tears almost from the beginning of that magic hour to the end of it. As an ordinary and simple fan, I love it, because it is beautiful, and poignant, and perfect. As a writer, I stand in awe of it - for so many reasons. I can only hope that some day I can touch someone with my own worlds and characters as profoundly as Babylon 5 has touched me.

I have no real words, really. I'm still aching from it all. Yes, I know, it sounds utterly weird - it's a TV show, for crying out loud, no? But that's what I am - aching. And there are tears still burning at the back of my eyes. It is beautiful, is all. Just beautiful. Beautiful beyond words, beyond anything I can say about it.

I've now been part of two con panels on B5, and on neither of them has this beauty been addressed, discussed, cherished. I've had co-panellists who seemed far more interested in the backstabbing and the background of B5 the series as rooted in the real world of Hollywood studios and bickering politicking and al that goes with that - we discussed the length of the show's run, why it was canned, why its successor "Crusade" was canned, what who said when at various occasions - oh, fans have transcripts of occasions! - but attempts to channel discussions into what made the show what it was, about the story, about the characters, about what made the characters change and evolve and become real people before our eyes - about the reasons that I cry my eyes out at the final episode, as though I were in the presence of real people, real friends, folks I've spent a lifetime with, fought alongside with against common enemies, saw the same stars with in the same heavens - have met with limited to no success.

I would have loved to see "Crusade" succeed. I'd love to see the B5 world return. I'd LOVE it. But right now... what we have, what we HAD, is a real treasure - and one that is being ignored because it has become far more important to know precisely what the powers behind it said at meetings held to discuss the demise of "Crusade", meetings which took place months, perhaps years, ago, and to come to the self-satisfied conclusion that "JMS" B5's creator, would not sell out, that he wants it done properly, wants it done RIGHT.

I knew that. I would have expected nothing less. But unless there is real actual news about B5 resurrection, in whatever shape or form, I dearly hope that the next Babylon panel I wind up on takes a moment to look back and smile - to consider not what we never had or may never get but the treasure that we HAD, still have, which exists to be returned to again and again for laughter and tears and inspiration.

Babylon, the last, best hope for peace - I raise a glass of brivari to you and to your people. Sleep in the light.

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