"I have a crush on you" (from four different email addresses, one after another - good grief, was it something I said? But sorry - apparently I have bad hearing - can't hear you at all - la la la la...)
"sail off to the Bahama's" (To the Bahama's what? And is this an invitation from one of those guys who are waiting in line with the crush on me? Because the one with the boat to the Bahama's (sic) just went to the front of the line...)
"The most realistic flight simulator ever" (eh? I thought we were going on a cruise - and anyway, this is SIMULATED, so if this is another of the crush guys trying to compete with the Caribbean fellow he isn't doing very well by offering a FAKE flying experience...)
followed by (an amazing amount of variations of this, recently, actually)
"The cash will be your momentarily" (my momentarily what? Is one of the crush guys trying to bribe me with cold hard greenbacks now?)
follwed by the succinct,
"proposal" (oh, nonononono. I think you at least have to buy me DINNER first. Besides, there's the "Bahama's" guy. He's still in there with a chance. What's YOUR offer, then, Proposal Guy?)
"We want to handle your problem" (what, you're going to deal with the Crush Queue...?)
"Zoloft use can cause serious side effects" (well, I wasn't going to hit the pills anyway - was THAT the way you planned to handle my problem, fellas? Sorry, no sale...)
immediately followed by
"Kick teh caffeine habit" (OY, them's fighting words. I'm watching you. Stay out of my caffeine habit.)(I mean it)(I WILL kill for this) (Ask anyone who knows me)(And besides, the very NEXT message is trying to sell me a new coffeemaker, so make up your MINDS, people)
And then it gets relativistic -
"You April just got a whole lot better" (April? Aren't we mid-June? Is that you, Doctor Who?)
finally concluded with
"Hurry up, we need an answer ASAP".
You need an ANSWER? What was the *question*...?